i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
