Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
