apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
