i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
