Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
