We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
