Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
