I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
