WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
