My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
