i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
