bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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