wrigley field is MILF paradise
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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