I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
