UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
