my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
