You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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