dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
