the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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