Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
