I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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