I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I understand Curling. That high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
