I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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