U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
