Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
