Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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