No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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