11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
