chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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