Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
