i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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