I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's shark week go big or go home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
