i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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