So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
