also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was born a porn star she said
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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