Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
