Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
