I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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