I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
