Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
