I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
