i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
