Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
