Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your penis caused this!
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