if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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