They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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