Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
