is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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