Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
