Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
