How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
