I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
