And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
