Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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