Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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