I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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