her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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