My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
