You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
