I cannot find my penis.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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